


Flowing Warmth

by vogue91



Series: Futarikkiri Furansu Juudan Kakueki Teisha no Tabi [2]
Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Commitment, Emotional Hurt, Established Relationship, Eventual Fluff, France (Country), M/M, Misunderstandings, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-06-23 06:56:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15600801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: “Yuri... I know we’re here for work, and fans know that as well. But you understand I'm worried? Do you realize I'm scared... well, that something inappropriate may happen? I know it’s been a poor way to express it, and I'm sorry. I was just trying to draw a clear line between how things are and how we’re forced to show them.”





	Flowing Warmth

**Author's Note:**

> The story refers to the second episode of the J's Journey of Yuya and Yuri in France.   
> These stories are very self-indulgent, very sappy and they blatantly disregards the presence of cameras.   
> You've been warned ♥

Yuri stared at the canal, absorbed.

It wasn’t rare to have those silences between them, but what always managed to surprise Yuya was how little uncomfortable it felt, how natural it was with Yuri.

The younger was staring into space, thoughtful yet serene, even though Yuya realized he wasn’t, that he couldn’t be.

The light breeze they had found in Caen, way different from the cold wind from that morning, messed with his hair, bringing them all over his face, but the younger didn’t seem to mind.

Yuya looked at him, and the more he looked the more he thought he was the most beautiful thing ever happened to him.

Right then Yuri turned to look at him, smiling tentatively, more because he had to than because he wanted to.

“What is it?” he asked, closing his eyes briefly and looking tired.

Yuya shrugged, his smile more convinced than his boyfriend’s.

“Nothing. I just felt like looking at you.” he said, a half-truth, then he reached for his hand and held it tight.

It was weird for him to do something like that out in the open, but he had easily adapted to something which came so natural, in a country where they weren’t going to be recognized and where precautions were nothing compared to those they had to keep at home; but Yuya still didn’t manage to be himself like he would've wanted, not completely, and that shortcoming from him weighed more than he cared to admit.

Yuri didn’t fight the hold; on the contrary, he intertwined their fingers together, but still he did that in a resigned way, as if it was something he felt compelled to do.

“What are you thinking about?” Takaki asked, trying to hide the anxiety behind that question, that worry he always felt whenever he didn’t understand the look in Yuri’s eyes, whenever he felt there was something wrong and he didn’t know what.

Or when, like right now, he knew he was wrong and all he wanted was for the younger to say that out loud.

“Nothing important, Yuu. I was thinking...” Chinen paused, sighing. He lowered his eyes and let go of his hand, starting to torture the palm of his hands with his fingernails. “I was thinking about what you said today, actually. That’s all.”

Yuya bit his lip, aware of where this was going.

Having told him he didn’t want to get too involved, and having remarked he couldn’t picture them having some sort of relationship outside of work had been a low blow, and he knew that.

A small part of him had hoped that Yuri would've understood that it was all for the cameras’ sake, and that he didn’t have anything to worry about, but it looked like the younger had taken him seriously. Yuya had still clear in his mind the lost stare Yuri had thrown at him when he had said that, and it had hurt him more than he could've thought.

Trying to protect himself he had only ended up hurting the both of them; and he sadly was an artist at that.

“Yuri... I know we’re here for work, and fans know that as well. But you understand I'm worried? Do you realize I'm scared... well, that something inappropriate may happen? I know it’s been a poor way to express it, and I'm sorry. I was just trying to draw a clear line between how things are and how we’re forced to show them.” he took his hand again, holding it tight and turning toward him, hoping the other was going to look at him too.

But Yuri had his eyes still fixated on the canal’s water, motionless, save for a nervous twitch of his lower lip.

“Even saying you didn’t want to get involved was for the sake of cameras, Yuya?” he asked, cold. Then he allowed himself a smile, sad, sarcastic, shaking his head. “I’ve fought to get to where we are now, Yuya, and you must admit you haven’t made it easy for me. Hearing you talk like that, the exact same way you did before the two of us got together...” he paused, shaking his head. “It’s frustrating.” he said, shrugging. He stood up and sighed, nodding toward the town. “Let’s go find something to eat before heading back to the station. That cheese was terrible, I'm starving.” he murmured, and he started walking without waiting for him.

Yuya looked at him go for a few moments, then he stood up and followed him.

He wanted to say something, he wanted to say that his concern was superfluous, but he had kept silent, as usual.

And it was one of those silence that was going to be heard, had he not done something to fix this.

Yuya knew what Yuri was talking about, he remembered when the other was younger and he used to give him the same excuses over and over again, explaining why they couldn’t be together.

That he was afraid of getting serious, and that was true, and he had told him a million times.

And every time he had tried to remedy it, then he had overdone it and had always ended up in situations like this one, and he knew that Yuri was afraid it was going to be over all of sudden, and that he was the main reason for that fear. And Yuya hated being unable to ease that fear.

He kept walking a few steps behind him, looking at his back, his steady stride, and imagining the look on his face.

The breeze of a while before had turned into cold wind again.

But it fit the way Yuya felt right now, so he didn’t waste time complaining about it.

 

~

 

Once back to Pontorson and left his stuff at the hotel, Yuri had headed out again.

He couldn’t stay there with him, he couldn’t overcome the closeness without feeling like...

Like what, then?

He didn’t want to talk to him and hear his apologies.

He wanted to harm him like Yuya had harmed him, but he knew he wasn’t going to do it anyway. Because, it was very simple: he loved him, so he was never going to do something to actually hurt him.

After all he knew what the elder meant, and he knew why he had spoken like that, but he’d still rather he would've kept quiet instead. Because hearing those words had brought him back to how he had felt years before, when he was forced to stay in a corner waiting to be enough for him.

He sighed, brushing his hands over his face.

He sat on a bench close to the hotel, too tired to walk; he just needed to be out of the room and far from him and that remorse he had no use for.

He held his arms tight around himself, shivering; the wind was gone, the breeze still tasted of summer, but he felt cold all the same.

He knew it was just him, but as much as he tried to fight it he couldn’t.

Normally, he would've gotten back to the hotel, he would've gotten into bed with Yuya and he would've let the other warm him up, hug him, make him feel good, making him forget everything else; but he still didn’t feel ready to take the first step. The elder’s words in his head refused to leave him alone.

He didn’t know how long he had been out, but at some point he heard steps behind him, hesitating; he didn’t turn, but he still knew who it was, and he tensed, starting to scratch down his arm.

Yuya leant behind him, resting his chin on his arm, brushing his forehead against his temple; Chinen let him, and not because it sat right with him, but because he was too tired to rebel.

“Yu...” the elder murmured, his voice hoarse, and Yuri knew that tone in his voice all too well.

Forgive me, it meant.

Come back, it meant, I didn’t mean to, I'm sorry, I'm an idiot.

And Yuri would've told him he was right, and that he forgave him once again, because he loved him.

And he was sure he was going to do that sooner or later, but not until that horrible feeling of emptiness and coldness would've been there.

“What?” he asked, emotionless.

“I want you to listen to me, please.” he said. He walked around the bench and knelt in front of him, oblivious to the cold floor or the curious stares of the few people passing by. He made room between his legs, taking his hands and looking at those instead of the other’s eyes. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I've said to you, I'm sorry I've hurt you, I'm sorry I never do the right thing. I didn’t think, I said something I don’t feel, I...” he closed his eyes briefly, holding Yuri’s hands even tighter, finally looking at him. “I'm disgustingly happy with you, Yuri. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, because it’s where I belong. Because even now that we’re thousands of miles away from home, I don’t feel the distance, because you’re my home. It’s next to you that I feel good, nowhere else.” he paused, getting closer and bringing a hand on the back of the younger’s head. “It’s not true that I don’t want to get involved. I've been scared, that’s trued, and I know you’ve been as well. But... not anymore, not with you. You’re everything to me, Yuri.”

Chinen wished he could've resisted a short while longer, play it hard, say that apologising couldn’t always be the solution, that he was tired of it, of how he seemed to be unable to think before talking, then trying to fix it when it was already broken.

But there was something in his speech which had prevented him from not caving, which had made him feel good again.

Had it been anyone else, the fact of having called him home would've been a low blow, but Yuri thought he knew Yuya well enough to understand that if he had said that, it was because he meant it.

He nodded briefly, letting go to his hold and resting his face against his shoulder, closing his eyes, abandoning to the warmth of that body, to the new feelings taking the place of the emptiness.

Then he stood up, clearing his throat and trying to sound dignified.

“Can we go to the hotel, Yuuyan?” he asked, pretending nothing had happened, and holding his hand out for the elder to take it.

Takaki did that, and started walking next to him.

“So you’re not scared anymore of getting serious with someone?” Yuri asked distractedly, teasing, but still trying to have confirmation of what the other had told him.

It made him feel good to hear him talk about them like that.

Yuya raised his eyes on the street, the hotel close by, and he stopped of the sidewalk, turning Chinen toward himself.

“I don’t need to be scared to be serious with someone; I'm serious with you, Yu.” he said simply, leaning toward him and pressing a quick kiss to his lips, careful.

They started walking again, and Yuri felt the breeze messing with his hair, but he wasn’t bothered by it.

It was pleasant again against his skin, just like the warmth from Yuya’s hand around his own, just like the taste of his lips on his own.

He had stopped feeling cold altogether.


End file.
